"Naturally. How one hates to think of oneself as alone. How one avoids it. It seems to imply rejection or unpopularity. An early wallflower panic still clings to the world. One will be left, one fears, sitting in a straight-backed chair alone, while the popular girls are already chosen and spinning around the dance floor with their hot-palmed partners. We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen. Even if family, friends and movies should fail, there is still the radio or the television to fill up the void. Women, who used to complain of loneliness, need never be alone any more. We can do our housework with soap-opera heroes at our side. Even day-dreaming was more creative than this; it demanded something of oneself and it fed the inner life. Now, instead of planting our solitude with our own dream blossoms, we choke the space with continuous music, chatter and companionship to which we do not even listen. It is simply there to fill the vacuum. When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone."
Gift From The Sea - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Well hello there my friends.
Its nice to see you. It has been a while, hasn't it? I didn't really mean to be gone so long. And I did not mean to cause anyone worry. Sorry about that. It has been a rough couple of weeks. But we are doing well. So now that we are well into our deployment groove, I promise to make this a more regular part of my weekly routine.
Over the past several weeks, my time has intentionally been spent being quiet, being present, getting comfortable with being alone. Present with my boys, present in my home. Present with myself...which is always the most difficult, isn't it? And I don't really mean alone in a sad, depressing sulking kind of way as I might have come across. I just mean that intentionally, I have pulled back, pulled into my shell as we must all do from time to time.
I have spent much of my time reading, writing, cooking, gardening, snuggling with my sweet boys.
Incidentally, has anyone read Gift From The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh? A friend of mine gifted me with a 1963 edition a while back. It sat on my bedside table for several months in a pile with other books I had good intentions of reading this summer. And shortly before S's departure, I picked it up one night. I read late into the night and woke up early the next morning to finish it. It is a book written by a woman not unlike all of us, looking for balance in a busy world. Looking for meaning in the day to day. If you have read the book, there is also a great interview of Anne's daughter on NPR about the legacy her mother left through the book.
Ahhh...it feels good to be back in this place.