This Vintage Chica

day 1 : day 104

Hello all.  Im back after a 10 day break having many coronas (me) and bloody mary's (him) in celebration of S's return.  Thank you for your continued congratulations and for understanding that we needed a bit of time to just be a family again.  After so many long trips apart, I now know how things work best.  Clearing the calander of anything and everything is a must.  I used to expect him to just fit back into the routine I had been keeping while he was away.  And it was frustrating on everyone.  I have learned that I have to give us 10 days or so to start all over again.  To make a new schedule that fits the five of us.  Its that give and take, the frustrating push and pull of juggling it all that can tear you down if you are not aware of it.  This works for us.

The morning after he arrived home he woke me up at 2:30 a.m. to ask what time it was.  He was still on overseas time and was ready to start his day.  He got up and went downstairs.  I almost pulled the covers back over my head, but instead decided to get up with him...knowing that this might be the only time we get to have this much alone time without the boys awake.  We made coffee.  And talked.  and talked and talked.  He unpacked everything that he had wanted to to say over the past four months but couldn't because of unsecure lines.  Things about amazing people he had met, things he had seen, things he had done.  He has asked me not to share any of our conversation.  And I won't.  But I have not been quiet about my feelings regarding our country's war with Iraq.    But after speaking to someone whom I trust with just about everything about his personal accounts, let me say this...I am more dedicated than ever to the thought that THIS WAR MUST END.  SOON! 

We will be back to our regularly scheduled blog programming after this post, but I just feel the need to share a bit of this part of our life.  I think we have a unique voice, the two of us - he being in the military and me such a crunchy conservative and all.  You all have been very gracious through this time, so I guess I am wanting to share a bit of closure here on the blog as well.  While S was away I kept a daily (well almost daily) private blog.  I shared it with him only after he arrived back home over coffe that early morning. I thought I might quickly share my first and last entries.  I hope that is OK with you.

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DAY 1

Dear S,

You thought I would cry when you left the house tonight.  But you were wrong.  I didn't.  I just couldn't allow myself to let you think I couldn't handle all that would be coming my way over the next three months.  Although now as the boys are all quietly sleeping upstairs, the tears are flowing freely.  I miss you already and you are not even out of the state.  The phone has been ringing all day with people calling to wish you well overseas and see if we need anything.  We are so rich in that regard.  Thank God for our friends and families.  We will be fine.  I know it.  It is you I worry about.  Have a safe trip.  Do what you have been training so long to do.  And please know that I love you more than the dolphins love the waves.

Yours,

E

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DAY 104

Dear S,

Today you came home from Iraq!  I knew you were coming in, but I know by now to keep it to myself and not tell the boys.  God forbid something happen with the plane schedule and you not make it.  I don't think I could handle their disappointment (and mine).  I have been thinking about you all day...on the verge of tears at least a dozen times.  But I didn't allow myself, knowing that these things are always subject to change.  But I manage to put clean sheets on the bed, finished up a few sewing projects that were in the "to do" pile and cleared the schedule of anything and everything for the next week or so.

It almost killed me keeping the secret from the boys all day.  I am pretty sure they knew on some level that it would be sooner than I was letting on.  They are sensetive little buggers.  They knew.  But when I got your call that you were back at the command and on your way home, I couldn't hold all the emotion in any longer.  With the waterworks in full swing I called out to the boys..."Guys!  Daddy's plane landed, he's on his way home."  Sweet words I tell you...sweet words. 

The welcome wagon started making signs and cleaning up their room and last minute party plans were in the works.  Until you called again to say that your car had apparently been sitting too long in the base parking lot and you were stranded at the Rite Aid Pharmacy.  So our reunion took place (a bit delayed) in a busy parking lot amidst busy shoppers.  Funny thing, family reunions like this are not uncommon in this military town.  They happen at schools, at spouse's workplaces and are a common sight on the local nightly news.  The older man who was parked next to us stopped to shake your hand and said a simple "thanks".  I wondered if he had experiences reunions of this sort as well.  I guess Rite Aid is as good a place as any to see your dirty, stinky bearded husband for the first time in four months.  Welcome home S...we've missed you.  Thank God you are home.

honey, Im home!

Yep, our daddy came home late Friday night.  So please excuse us if we are a big pre-occupied for the next week or so.  I'll give you the full scoop when we're all reaquainted with each other.  Right now we're all off doing what we do best.  Just hangin' out with each other.

P.S.  Thanks for all of the prayers, emails and notes over the past several months.  I do not even know how to express our gratitude.

gettin' all political

There was a time when we first moved back to Virginia when I wasn't sure how to marry this creative, crafty, finding-me-again blog with the whole military lifestyle. Remember? And I wasn't sure anyone even cared what I think about it or how I deal with it. But judging by the comments to this post, I've muddled my way through it just fine. I am coming to realize this blog is simply a reflection of myself. 

My Papaw asked me not long ago if S and I were raising the boys to be conservatives. I love that my Papaw is always up for a good political discussion, but I was a bit dumbfounded. I wasn't sure how to answer him. Yes, I would consider ourselves pretty conservative. But on the liberal side by some standards. Here are some examples:

• We are obviously military, so by most standards, that would make us conservative.
• We are supporters of local farmers and organic gardening when we can, liberal?
• I limit our T.V. consumption as much as possible.
• We are very involved in our local church and attend regularly. We are Christ followers. Conservative?
• We are huge supporters of wildlife and land conservation. I even take spiders we find in the house outside to the garden.  Liberal? Possibly.
• When I watch news I watch Fox News because they cover the war more than any of the other stations.
• We incorporate unschooling philosophies into our everyday life. Most definitely leaning to the left.
• We hold our boys to a strict sense of right and wrong and aim to teach them that morality is not relative. Right wing?
• I own and wear on occasion a pair of birkenstocks.
• I love country music and will listen to it until I die.
• We explain the value of differing opinions and different cultures to our kids in terms they can understand. Our boys after all are of "mixed" race and come from two very different cultures. Liberal? Maybe.
• Our boys say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir" and call our adult friends "Mrs. Ambre" and "Mr. Matt".

See my dilemma in being pigeon holed into liberal or conservative? According to Rod Dreher, we are crunchy conservatives. But I don't know if that accurately seams it all in either. So Papaw, I still do not know how to answer your question. I would say yes, we are raising the boys to be fiscally and morally conservative, but to be free thinkers and embracers of new and innovative ways of doing things. Open to all that the world has to offer them.

And I do not believe that I am alone in this. I think as the world gets smaller and more complicated, I think we are all rethinking how our world should be organized and governed.

Thank you friends, for the amazing comments and outside emails over the past several days. I have been truly humbled, amazed and honored. Amazed that you actually care to hear my opinion on this war. And as many of you have commented, I am glad to put a face (or at least a blog face) to humanize all that is happening overseas. I do think that we (our family) have an interesting perspective and I am feeling more comfortable sharing that part of ourselves. And I owe that in part to this so very accepting community surrounding me. Thank you again for helping me learn to be truly who I am. And who we are as a family.

More upbeat posts to follow!

don't lose sight

Yesterday morning I woke up early, turned on my laptop to find this story front and center on msnbc.com.  It frustrates me to no end and I haven't been able to shake it.  I am sure that the endless stream of photos of men and women in dessert camis is boring the American public by now.  I know what celebrities wore to the latest award show it more exciting.  And I am sure over the past five years you have become numb to shots of our soldiers holding machine guns in front of them as they patrol street in Iraq.  Yes!  We have been there for five years now.  Can you believe it? 

I ask you.  I beg you.  Please do not loose sight of what is really happening overseas.  Just because the media has gotten bored with "the war", please do not forget.  Our daddy is over there.  Our friends are over there.

Lives are still being lost everyday.  And the numbers of those coming home injured are staggering.  (see below) Having spoken to several wives who have had the pleasure of seeing their husbands again after mortar attacks (or lack of pleasure), the healing process is no fun and games.  And don't even get me started on TRICARE (the military's answer to health care).  Just some facts to remind you friends:

• 3,979 US Soldiers Killed
• 29,320 Seriously Wounded
• Spent & Approved War-Spending - About $600 billion of US taxpayers' funds. President Bush has requested another $200 billion for 2008, which would bring the cumulative total to close to $800 billion

  *Statistics from The Brookings Institute

If you that we rightly entered into this war, please do not think that just because "insurgent violence is down" that the deaths and injuries have stopped.  That families are not being asked everyday to meet the powers that be in D.C. to receive their husbands and wives bodies.  And if you are against the war, as I am, be diligent friends.  Dig for the facts and the truth.  Because the mainstream media has grown bored.  It is voting time my friends, it is an election year!  Please do not forget.

And to answer your questions and comments:

1.  Don't you miss your husband?  Yes, I miss my husband desperately.  And so do my boys.
2.  I don't know how you do it.  I don't know how I do it some days either.  I don't know how the women who are without their husbands for 18 months do it either.  But the alternative is to not get out of bed in the morning and let the boys make their own cinnamon toast.  And I really don't want to clean the kitchen up after that.
3.  (skip to # 4 Grammer and Papaw)  Do I miss the sex?  Of course.  Who wouldn't?  But luckily our marriage is stronger than that.  Hey it all goes someday, right?  At least we know our relationship is built on a hell of a lot more than the mere physical.
4.  You are a military wife and against the war in Iraq?  Yes, again, I am against this war.
5.  I am so glad it is you and not me.  I am glad it is me too.  Because I realize there are many things in my upbringing that I believe purposely prepared me for mothering these kids though the time without their dad.

I'm off to a MOPs steering meeting this morning. And hopefully getting some much needed sewing time in this weekend.  Happy Friday all!