This week has been a doosie of a week...and it is only Wednesday.
There have been events in the last few days that have shaken my confidence. And I am beginning to doubt my qualifications as a mother.
My youngest one was recommended for the all day program at school - meaning they feel he needs extra help in letter recognition, math and writing. My gut says they are incorrect. He is one of the smartest little 5 year olds I know and already is beginning to read Bob books...not the earliest reader ever, but not in need of remedial help in any way.
I have called to talk to the teacher who tested him to find out exactly what they pinged him for.
But no matter what I think I am going with my gut and will keep him home with me in the afternoons. Even if he does indeed need help, I can work with him in the afternoons. He needs that free play time after sitting still all morning. I do not think more school time is the answer for him...that is if he does need extra help.
But why do I let this shake me. Even though I am standing firm in what I know...that he is right on track...for some reason I allow self doubt to sneak in. Did I not prepare him? Do I not read with him enough? Am I completely off base? Why do I take this so personally? Do I not know anything about this kid? How could I have been with him morning, noon and night and not known he needed help?
There are issues again with getting through homework with the older boys. One of the older boys continues to battle with homework leaving barely enough time to get dinner made and out the door to soccer practice. How do I help him through this? Or is this one of those times I need to let go, let him do it, on his own?
Or are there bigger issues I am missing? (Heck, I didn't even know the little one was behind. What kind of mother am I?)
Timing and scheduling issues with activities have emerged. I am trying to hold on to our one activity at a time rule, but finding myself wanting so much to let them explore all of their interests.
Oh, the list goes on friends.
(That's two mamas with 5 boys between us.)
Both papas were out of town, so it was up to us to teach these little men how to paddle and navigate their boats.
It was a day that I was proud of myself. It was a bit of effort for us to pack the snacks, the life jackets, the first aid kid (5 boys...), get the boats into the water, calm their fears, build their confidence up as they took off in a boat on their own.
"You can do this!", we told them.
That day we guided our little men through the swampy canals. Taught them how to paddle straight and steady. How to steer themselves around obstacles and danger.
Maybe, just maybe, we we guided them, we guided ourselves too.
And as I think about this day, I find renewed confidence in myself. Confidence in my boys. And more importantly confidence in my decisions as their mother.
So as I sit here at my kitchen table writing this post I want to tell you the same things I am telling myself.
You can do this!
Trust your instincts.
You are a great mother.
Make the effort to get them out there.
You KNOW your child.
You have the ability to help them navigate.
You are exactly the mother they need. No one else will do.
You are enough.