day 1 : day 104

Hello all.  Im back after a 10 day break having many coronas (me) and bloody mary's (him) in celebration of S's return.  Thank you for your continued congratulations and for understanding that we needed a bit of time to just be a family again.  After so many long trips apart, I now know how things work best.  Clearing the calander of anything and everything is a must.  I used to expect him to just fit back into the routine I had been keeping while he was away.  And it was frustrating on everyone.  I have learned that I have to give us 10 days or so to start all over again.  To make a new schedule that fits the five of us.  Its that give and take, the frustrating push and pull of juggling it all that can tear you down if you are not aware of it.  This works for us.

The morning after he arrived home he woke me up at 2:30 a.m. to ask what time it was.  He was still on overseas time and was ready to start his day.  He got up and went downstairs.  I almost pulled the covers back over my head, but instead decided to get up with him...knowing that this might be the only time we get to have this much alone time without the boys awake.  We made coffee.  And talked.  and talked and talked.  He unpacked everything that he had wanted to to say over the past four months but couldn't because of unsecure lines.  Things about amazing people he had met, things he had seen, things he had done.  He has asked me not to share any of our conversation.  And I won't.  But I have not been quiet about my feelings regarding our country's war with Iraq.    But after speaking to someone whom I trust with just about everything about his personal accounts, let me say this...I am more dedicated than ever to the thought that THIS WAR MUST END.  SOON! 

We will be back to our regularly scheduled blog programming after this post, but I just feel the need to share a bit of this part of our life.  I think we have a unique voice, the two of us - he being in the military and me such a crunchy conservative and all.  You all have been very gracious through this time, so I guess I am wanting to share a bit of closure here on the blog as well.  While S was away I kept a daily (well almost daily) private blog.  I shared it with him only after he arrived back home over coffe that early morning. I thought I might quickly share my first and last entries.  I hope that is OK with you.

********************

DAY 1

Dear S,

You thought I would cry when you left the house tonight.  But you were wrong.  I didn't.  I just couldn't allow myself to let you think I couldn't handle all that would be coming my way over the next three months.  Although now as the boys are all quietly sleeping upstairs, the tears are flowing freely.  I miss you already and you are not even out of the state.  The phone has been ringing all day with people calling to wish you well overseas and see if we need anything.  We are so rich in that regard.  Thank God for our friends and families.  We will be fine.  I know it.  It is you I worry about.  Have a safe trip.  Do what you have been training so long to do.  And please know that I love you more than the dolphins love the waves.

Yours,

E

*********************

DAY 104

Dear S,

Today you came home from Iraq!  I knew you were coming in, but I know by now to keep it to myself and not tell the boys.  God forbid something happen with the plane schedule and you not make it.  I don't think I could handle their disappointment (and mine).  I have been thinking about you all day...on the verge of tears at least a dozen times.  But I didn't allow myself, knowing that these things are always subject to change.  But I manage to put clean sheets on the bed, finished up a few sewing projects that were in the "to do" pile and cleared the schedule of anything and everything for the next week or so.

It almost killed me keeping the secret from the boys all day.  I am pretty sure they knew on some level that it would be sooner than I was letting on.  They are sensetive little buggers.  They knew.  But when I got your call that you were back at the command and on your way home, I couldn't hold all the emotion in any longer.  With the waterworks in full swing I called out to the boys..."Guys!  Daddy's plane landed, he's on his way home."  Sweet words I tell you...sweet words. 

The welcome wagon started making signs and cleaning up their room and last minute party plans were in the works.  Until you called again to say that your car had apparently been sitting too long in the base parking lot and you were stranded at the Rite Aid Pharmacy.  So our reunion took place (a bit delayed) in a busy parking lot amidst busy shoppers.  Funny thing, family reunions like this are not uncommon in this military town.  They happen at schools, at spouse's workplaces and are a common sight on the local nightly news.  The older man who was parked next to us stopped to shake your hand and said a simple "thanks".  I wondered if he had experiences reunions of this sort as well.  I guess Rite Aid is as good a place as any to see your dirty, stinky bearded husband for the first time in four months.  Welcome home S...we've missed you.  Thank God you are home.

Comments

[Nancy]

Please tell "S" thank you from my family. I am glad he is home safe with his family.

[Mama Urchin]

Eren, I cannot tell you enough how thankful we are for what you and your family sacrifice for all of us. Seriously friend, thank you.

[Chicago Sarah]

God bless you all. I am in tears reading this.

[emily]

oh eren, i am so so so so glad you shared those entries. moved does not begin to describe how i feel after reading your words. i'm with jennifer. and also with you.

[Tara]

MINE'S HOME TOO!!! Isn't it wonderful! Thank your husband for me. Thank you too...I know how hard it is!

[Alicia A.]

Inspirational and beautiful. Thank you (all).

And welcome home.

[wren]

i just wanted to say thanks for sharing that with us- your words really moved me, as always...

[Cheryl]

Great post - I don't often get moved to tears by those in my google reader but you succeeded my dear. I would wish you blessings but you've got the best blessings right there with you.

[julia]

Yes yes and yes. I'm tearing up right now. Sending love and good thoughts your way. Thank you for being so strong and courageous, and thank you for sharing your experience with all of us and being so honest about the good and bad parts of your experience. You all are an inspiration to me.

[kristin]

crying here miles away.

[Vidya]

I'm so moved to tears. So beautiful, such a strong woman you are. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

[Stefani]

Oh honey! How many days is it now until i get to hug your neck and shake his hand in person? I'm gonna put some Corona on ice right now :-)
We're so grateful to you all.
Big Texas hugs!

[Ali]

So happy for you all. Welcome home.

[laura]

so glad your husband is home safe and sound with you and your boys. welcome home and thanks to your whole family.

[Jannean]

Thank you so much for your transparency! You two most definitely have an important voice and I am grateful for all that your family has done, and is doing for us all. Enjoy the being home!

[Zelia]

So beautiful. Your love is truly special!

[Sara]

Thank you for sharing. I know it is not easy to share emotions like that. Enjoy your time together.
Blessings to you and your family,
Sara
(a military wife)

[Bad Hippie]

My son's dad (my ex) left for 2 months training before official deployment last weekend. I'm not sure what the 14 year old thinks about it - he's at that age where he needs his private thoughts to be private. But I wish, for his sake, and your children's sake, and everyone's sake, that this war would be over soon.

[erin]

i'm teary.
thanks for sharing that, eren. and, s, thank you, too.

[Bethany]

Thank you for giving us such a personal look into your life. How amazing you are!

[Kristy]

Oh wow Eren. Great post.x

[karol]

God bless you all, I'm glad your family is reunited again. Thanks for sharing with us your thoughts.

[Jennifer]

Thank you Eren and family :)

I am moved to tears over your post. Enjoy your time together.

[apple cyder]

I very big THANK YOU to S. and to your family for all that you sacrifice. Thanks very much for sharing this.

[Tracy]

So moving, Eren. So moving.